google definition of friends:

3rd person singular present, plural of friend

Noun:

A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

urban dictionary definition of friends:

people who are aware of how retarded you are and still manage to be seen in public with you. people who make you laugh till you pee your pants. people who cry for you when one of your special items disappear. when you don't have enough money to get a ice cream, they chip in.

starting new friendships is very hard for me. being around large crowds makes my palms start to sweat because i am afraid someone is going to talk to me and i will not know what to say. i guess you could say i have some trust issues, and it is hard to let people into my circle of "safe friends". safe friends are the ones that i have no fear of revealing my inner most feelings and feel "safe" that they will not criticize or make fun. these are very few and far between these days,rarely will i find someone that really gets me, even if we have been friends for years. someone that i can throw back my head and laugh with and not feel self conscious. or reveal my inner most thoughts about life in general. i feel like there is a kind of hierarchical list of your friends:

"safe" friends

best friends

good friends

friends

acquaintance

at this point in my life i am okay with the amount of friends that i have. we all have busy lives and grown up careers, but still find a way to interact with each other. some days i wish i had more but some days i am completely content and would rather hang out with my cat. it is hard for me to express some of my emotions or frustrations with people that i have been friends with for years and even those i have just met. i think that is why i like to distance myself from them until these thoughts subside so i do not hurt anyone's feelings. but with my "safe" friends it is much easier to be able to rely on their friendship no matter what any of our opinions may be. 

Yes, I do have a husband and he is even farther than a safe friend to me. he is my lover, my better half,and my confidant. my life has been forever changed with his presences but... 

i do believe that we cannot survive without friends. who will be there to scream while watching a scary movie with you and then proceed to laugh at each other for doing so. who will be there to bring you a McDonald's diet coke after having a bad day. who will share life with you no matter what it may bring.  

Summer Bucket List

Okay, so I know that the summer has already been in here in Michigan in full force so far this year. But I 

really wanted to make some goals, or rather a bucket

list for the remainder of the months we have left.

Some of these may be easier said than done

but if I write them down I just feel they may be more easily accomplished (hopefully)

1. go tubing down a river.. I would rather not be tossed and thrown behind a boat, but lazily drift through the water

2. watch the sunset (preferably at a beach)

3. go camping. rustic camping. I have never done this before and I am not saying it will be the most fun thing to do... but I think everyone has to do it at least once, right?

4. make corn on the cob on the grill. or eat corn on the cob from the grill.. which ever one is easier since I am not a grill master in any way like some people (my husband)

5.  road trip with my husband.. who knows to where yet. I have never been to Traverse City or maybe to visit friends in Minnesota. I just need to get out of Michigan for a while...

6. Buy a huge,floppy beach hat. this one might be a little obnoxious, but for some reason I would love to wear one of these while laying on the beach.. 

Well that is about it. If I think of any others I will be sure to add them on here. Hopefully the rest of the summer is a bit more enjoyable because so have it has been too sweltering hot to do anything. And I am not one to complain about fun in the sun. But I rather like a cloudy, rain filled day every now and again.. 

23 years ago my little sister was born.

God has been writing her story ever since. Today she leaves on a plane to depart for Germany for the second time in a year. She has a passion for God and has seen wonderous things by His doing.

I am having these uncertain emotions taking over my heart today. In way I am simply proud and overjoyed by the fact that she has found her true calling in the God's work. But how am I to protect her heart and see her grow. I guess it is the protective older sister lion coming over me... She has shown me how to live without fear or anxiety something we are both very familiar with. It has also brought out my selfish side as well. seeing her be able to travel the world and being able to let God lead her in ways I could only imagine.

I am not saying that I do not love my life. I did all the things that I thought to be right for my life.  I graduated high school, then graduated college... got a "big girl" job as an x-ray technologist and was married to the love of my life... I would not change who I was or who I am ... I am just finding it difficult to find the way God wants to lead me...

Some day I will live and love freely.

The Big Question Is Whether You Are Going To Say A Hearty

Yes To Your Adventure

-Joseph Campbell

I can certainly say that I have never truly embarked on an adventure. I am not 

even sure if I could say Yes or even a hearty Yes for that matter.But I have been feeling my heart wondering if I am capable of such things. I suppose starting this blog is definitely a good start.